death

I don't deserve to be happy….

Lunar

I always look at the moon these past few days. There's something about it that makes me stare to it for one moment and somehow it makes me feel better. If your asking me why? Darn it, I don't know the answer too. I just admire that floating SILVER THING above the night sky. And I always wait for the time that it change from one phase to another. I love the crescent moon and it's golden gleam. And when it transforms into the full phase, i love how it seems to put so much light on a very dark and gloomy night.

I love the moon. I know there are couple of humans that have been there already and I envy them. It may some sound so nerdy and weird but I would really like to go up there. I just want to know the feeling of being there and looking down on your home planet.

Can there be life on the moon? ASTRONOMERS and SCIENTISTS talk to me! SPEAK UP! I know its just like a place full of rocks and space…but can we develop something that can enable us to live there? I remember the movie, The Adventures of Pluto Nash (Eddie Murphy, 2002) - that HUMANS were all residing on the moon. They have created their own world up there. Wah.. this is too much! But I really want to go there.. And to live there is another story. Somehow I'm hoping it would be possible for the next next next generation.

I love the moon and the happy feeling it gives me.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - a must see!

Although, I have not seen this movie yet, reading the synopsis on wiki enticed me to search every video store and grab a copy of this film. It was mentioned by my good friend, Glenn,  when we had our YM chats yesterday. We were talking about our being in the so called "DRAMA" Club. And how we wish to just have something like the technology on the said movie to erase a certain part of our memory so that we could not REMEMBER the sorrowful things we're in right now. Morbid isn't it?

I have seen one movie that is kind of like this - Paycheck (Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman) which is about a reverse software engineer who accepted an ambitious project to create a system that can see the future of one man. But the catch is, his memory from the time he created and finished the system has to be erased so that there is no traced whatsoever (maybe so that the company cannot be pointed out if something bad might turn out on the project). The thing is, he had a love interest in the movie and that made him realized that a big part of life was taken away. He totally have forgotten about that loved one yet he made a way to made him trace what he'd done by sending himself random items that has a connection in his three-year-memory-lapse.

Have this ever crossed your mind? That if only you could erase part of your memory so that you could forget about everything you don't want to remember. YET sometimes you still struggle to keep it because you're holding on to something you don't want to just leave behind. People's mind are really complex. We cannot be contented with what we have. We always want an easy way out of everything. 

Finding Me - noh?

I can say I'm feeling better (but not 100% OKAY) these past few days. I'm still on my transition period. And it's not that easy. That is why i'm trying my best to at least smile once in a while and technically "pretend" that i'm doing just fine.

I have newly found buddies here in the office. I'm getting busy with work (for I have been idle for a couple of weeks and i'm starting to get bored but now I'm back again!) and now my brain is getting warmed up after being frozen for so long.

I'm friends with my "ex" boyfriend (which is really a good thing because we get the chance to hang out without thinking too much about the breakup). We are enjoying each other's company more. I guess we miss the times that we used to go out and blab about everything and anything under the sun. Yet we have to keep in my mind that we to take things one pace at a time. The important thing is we are good friends now. So I guess whatever happens to our story, it will be for the best of us both.

I just had my late lunch with a client and our big boss here at the office. It's quite exciting and at the same time, it feels funny sitting right to the highest authority on your company and having lunch with him. It's kinda overwhelming for a neophyte like me. But anyway, I should be used to this kind of meetings and encounters because our job really requires us to establish client relationship. And this really helps us to gain more confidence in dealing with clients (middle management and decision-maker dudes…:P). So much for this.. Hehehe..

Anyway, right now.. I'm just feeling better like what I mentioned above.

am i a wild flower?

Lately, I've been thinking that maybe I am like a wild flower.

I remember this one song that Bong (one of the data guys) sang in our videoke marathon just weeks ago on our outing (TSG Summer Outing at Royal Palm Resort, Laguna, May 4-5, 2007) - Wild Flower by Skylark.  Please  see lyrics below:

She's faced the hardest times you could imagine
And many times her eyes fought back the tears
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders
bore the weight of all her fears
And a sorrow no one hears
still rings in midnight silence in her ears

Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

And if by chance I should hold her
Let me hold her for the time
But if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden to be mine.

Be careful how you touch her for she'll awaken
And sleep's the only freedom that she knows
And when you walk into her eyes you won't believe
The way she's always paying
for debts she never owes
And a silent wind still blows
that only she can hear and so she goes

Let her cry, for she's a lady
Let her dream, for she's a child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower growing wild

As he was singing his hearts out on this song, I whispered to him that, "I am a wild flower…," then a tear fell out of my eye. He didn't noticed that but I was crying inside each time the words on the song seems to struck me from somewhere inside.

They didn't noticed that behind my cheerful glee, I was breaking inside. I was shattering like a glass window.  I know most of the people would see me smiling, and quite a few would realize what I really feel deep down. 

Maybe i am like a wild flower but it seems like no one would  really care.  

Sweet Good Byes…

"I will wait Her again..

I will heal myself so that I can take care of her again..

I will come back when I am better..

When everything can be talked about without too much sorrow anymore..

When we're ok again..

I will work to take care of her better.."

-Norman 

I know I have to be strong but when I read this, it really made me cry. I know I've hurt him and I still don't know if he deserves someone like me. Maybe this is just right for us this time. The cliché but if we are really meant for each other, we'll come back as better individuals and partner.

Just let it be this time. 

Rebirth of ETRW

For the nth time, I am starting a new blog and now here at i.ph.

I am a blogger since my junior year in high school. When my English teacher made us post our ideas on topic that he posted on the blog account that he created. Then I got the idea to create one for myself.

My first blog was on ujournal. I am very excited to post everything that's happening on my everyday life. Then I got tired of it and created another one at livejournal. I wasn't able to update it that much. So i just abandoned it like my uj account.

I think there were other online journals that I've signed up with, but I totally forgotten about them for some reasons.

My first official blog I think was on my first multiply account. When I abandon my Friendster blog. Then I created another one and left my multiply blog. It is my latest journal at blogger.com that I think I will be abandoning after I finalize everything here.

Yet I still named my new blog, Exploring the Real World because I haven't done with my exploration. Actually, I am just starting it. And I'm starting it right this time. I guess I know where I want to go now and what I want to do.

And this is just what I need, a brand new start to the continuation of my journey…of my life…and the real world.

Today is Friday, Shopping Day!

"God, give me the grace to shop wisely so i may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love… "