tuesdays

i badly need a hug…

these are my confessions

1. i'm broke and;
2. i smoke

Debts are chasing me. I have nothing left on my account. I'm starting again. After I was hospitalized I have been bankrupt. I got nothing. All i have is unpaid credit card bills and debts from everyone. I cannot give my sister's allowance. My debts are piling up. 

….

I've been smoking since last September. Not the chain smoker type of smoking. I just do when I feel down or stressed. Or when I'm drinking with my friends. Before I really hate smokers, but now I'm starting to be one of them. I don't really now what it is for me but I just feel like to lit a cigarette whenever I feel down or got nothing else to do and think of. I don't know what my other friends will think of but I can't get out from this for now.  Nobody pushed me to do it. It's my own prerogative. 

….

Okay.. This is not really a good day for me. The credit card company just called me and informed me to pay may balance due last month. Another friend sent me a message, asking me when can we meet so I can give his money that I borrowed for the Boracay thingy. I'm so grateful that he's not in a rush and told me I can give it on the 15th. I will be renting a room next month and I will also have to pay for the down payment. Another one called, and I feel so irritated that she is still pushing to avail their gym package. GAAHHHHDDDD! This is really too much for this day.

Can someone give me something to drink?

eyeballs

i recently attended two eyeball events for PinoyPSP Online last October 19 and 20, respectively:

North Side vs Dirty South Basketball EB 

and

Cavite PinoyPSP Members EB

 I am a PSP Phat user for nearly two months now and I joined the PinoyPSP Online forum before I bought my very first psp (because i'm planning to sell this one and buy a slim later on..=P). For the first month, i was not really an active member because I barely even know what they meant when they are talking about, "cfw", "phat", "ISO/CSO", "coldboot", "upgrade/downgrade" and calling each other "pafz". Newbie..Hehehe.

Then during my sick leave and I only got my laptop and dial-up connection at home, I got nothing to do but open up the forum and look for an interesting thread that I can post on. From then on, there is no day or time that passes by that I don't check the site for updates. Just like my other cyberspace accounts, I have also signed up with various forum sites like this. And most of the time, I either forgot my login details or I don't remember the site anymore. It also helps to maintain forum accounts like this if you are really interested with it.

Meeting new friends is also cool. =)

work and wedding

tomorrow i will be back at work after two weeks of going in and out  from the hospital. some say that it should be a one month rest, but i think i'm better now with fingers crossed. anyway, i really miss the office and the people and of course my work. i don't like to be idle for a long time because i feel that each day i should learn something. i don't have leave credits yet, so my two-week leave is not paid and i won't get anything on the next payday. SO even if i'm not 100% well, i have to go back to work again. I have to pay some bills and credits. And I'm saving for my apartment soon.

according to my neuro, the pain will still be there that is why i need to be careful and still have to drink lots of fluids and coffee..

by the way, i'll be one of the secondary sponsors for my tito's upcoming wedding this november (this will be my first! ). tomorrow, we will go to the couturier for my gown. we are all excited in the family and i'm also helping my tito with some little things for the wedding.

i have mentioned on my past blogs that i super idolized my tito richard because he's intelligent, hardworking and responsible and so good-looking, too. his fiancee is really blessed to have him. i really hope that she would love and take good care of my tito.

purple

Yesterday, after I dropped by the office to get my SSS Sick Benefit form and went to Makati Medical Center for a follow-up check-up with my neurologist, we went straight to SM so that I can finally have my hair cut. But aside from just a hair cut, i also had hair spa and henna coloring because the salon offers a pretty good and reasonable package. And after all that I've been through for the past 2 weeks I badly need this kind of pampering.

Anyway, I love what they've done to my hair and the color is really cool. It's not very striking, you barely can notice it. But when the sun shines on it, you'll see the shade. Hehehe. Just wanna share this.

waiting is painful

Even if i tell myself that I DON'T need someone, the truth is - I DO. Even if i tell myself that I'M not in a hurry, honestly - I feel that the clock is ticking rapidly. I'm waiting but it seems that i'm getting tired of it. There were quite a few nice guys that I met but what i'm looking for is a MAN.

Someone who is responsible, goal-oriented, mature, and God fearing. Someone who can bring back the color in my life. Someone who can cheer me up when i'm down. Someone who can give me comfort. Someone who I can trust. Someone who I can share my dreams and someone who will listen.

“There is one pain I often feel, which you will never know. It is caused by the absence of you.”

spinal what?

i was discharged last Monday, October 1, 2007 from Makati Medical Center after being confined for 3 days. I had an appendectomy operation. Two days after, I had these constant headaches and vomiting when I'm in an upright position and when I lie down, the pain gradually stops. So I decided to call the doctor and have my follow-up check up to be rescheduled earlier.

It was Thursday, I was rushed to the critical unit in the E.R of Makati Med. My hands and feet were numb. My nail beds turned from purple to almost black. I was gasping for air. I remember the attending doctors keep on telling me to calm down but I can't because the pain is really killing me. They gave me oxygen and attached several wires (i don't know what the heck they call those things) on my body to monitor my vital signs. I was given intravenous meds and again they took CBC. After an hour or so, the pain is still there. They referred me to a neurologist and finally admitted me for further observations.

The resident doctor gave her findings the following day. She said that it's Spinal Headache because of anesthesia given to me during my operation. I was given IV, advised me to take more fluids and caffeine so that I can flush out the anesthesia. 

Hayyyyy.. I didn't know that it will be this hard. Some of my friends told me that this kind of operation is easy but the recovery usually takes time.  And as advised by my doctor, I should take another week to rest before I go to work again.

**Special Thanks:

To my family, i love you all so much. Thanks for everything. *cry* 

hospitalized

AP, UTI, APD?!! That was the first diagnosis when I got my first check up at the Medicard clinic (our health card provider). Then they run some tests (CBC and Urinalysis) on me to verify what's really the cause of my stomach pains. When I got back after our sumptuous lunch at Food Choices, the doctor said, "It may be AP (Appendicitis)," so he got the other result of my CBC which shows that I have a high percentage of segmenters (0.72%). He asked me to stepped out and wait because he'll check where can they transfer me for further check-up. He went back after a few minutes:

Dr. F: "Wait ka muna sa labas, andito pala yung surgeon namin, aayusin lang yung room"

Me: "Now na?"

Dr. F: "Ya.. Don't worry. Wag kang matakot." 

Me: (FREAK OUT)

(more…)

the other woman

the complication starts when you started asking questions. because then, you will get answers that you wish you never heard at all.

fairy tales and status quo

is it really possible that a commoner will end up with a prince?

is it too much to ask?

damn this feeling. 

when i was kid, i always dreamed about being a princess (i believe that it is every little girl's dream)- living on a beautiful palace, wearing different gowns and crowns, dancing with handsome princes and gentlemen and having all those magical things in fairy tales. but back to the real world, i am no princess. i'm just a commoner. an unknown.  yet i still dream that i could reach that palace and end up with a prince. but is it really possible?

it is really hard to expect. and i don't know if i will still continue to pursue this. i often say that i don't opt for mediocrity. i am always aiming high. but for this one? i feel like i'm at the very bottom and that i can't stretch myself to go up. i don't fit in his crowd.

but come to think of it, i have an uncle who used to be a commoner but has rich and famous friends now. and he is getting married (i think) to a girl that came from a wealthy family. did he struggled and felt the same like me? 

then maybe it is really possible. be optimistic. IT IS POSSIBLE.